"The Method of Science, the Aim of Religion"

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Projects: Chemognosis:

"The Entheogenic Use of
Dextromethorphan Hydrobromide "
by Frater P.L.L.

"The purpose of this document is to make known the possibilities of Dextromethorphan
concerning the Great Work, be they Psychological, Mystical, Magical, or similarly otherwise, and the manner by which I personally used DXM for inducing states that are conductive to these same methods of Working"

Introduction

Starting this account of my experiments with dextromethorphan (DXM) will be a generic exposition of a typical "trip". Times marking the appearance of certain effects are averaged and not written in stone.

After the ingestion of the drug one can expect a mild to severe (dose-dependent) nausea approximately twenty to thirty minutes later. This nausea, if present, either goes away after some time or you are forced to vomit. Depending on how long it has been since ingestion, the vomiting does not necessarily terminate the experiment. I have found that if the DXM is present in the stomach for at least forty-five minutes one can still expect a fairly decent trip. Optimal holding time for DXM is a hour and a half. If you get sick after the one hour mark since dosing then the vomiting is often painless, and can actually act as a catalyst for starting the trip. I had done DXM extensively, on and off, for five years, and the only problem I ever had with the vomiting is a slight discomfort in the chest from retching if the vomiting happened to occur prematurely; ie. less than forty minutes after dosing.

The first signs of the purely psychoactive effects of the drug appear at roughly the thirty minute mark and are signaled by a mild detachment from your surroundings and an increase in non-linear thought processes. Concurrent to these signals happens what I have termed "third-eye pressure." This pressure feels like someone is taking the eraser end of a pencil and very gently pressing it, from the inside of the head, into the area of the forehead which corresponds to where the third-eye is said to be. (I have noticed this effect with several other psychedelic drugs as well, also during meditation, skrying, or any other practice which ultimately focuses on the "mind's eye.")

Continuing, a short time later there occurs a distinct change in the visual field. I will try my best to explain this. It is noticed when you are looking at an object, the object shifts or slides to the left (or it can be to the right) in a smooth motion. When it reaches the stopping point of its apparent movement to the left, it then moves back to the right (or left if it originally moved right) in the same manner until it reaches the point where it began. This repeats continually for the duration of the effect. There is a consistent rhythm to these oscillations which I estimate to be between 1 and 3 Hz (1 to 3 cycles per second). Sometimes this visual anomaly affects only single objects at a time and at other times it can affect the entire field of vision, the latter being the more prevalent during higher dosage trips.

At around the one hour mark the mind becomes affected by a prominent sense of euphoria, coupled with an attendant lack of inhibition and stress. Many people are convinced that this is the crux of the drug and take it for no other reason than this for recreational use. (On a side note, I have noticed that the right amount of marijuana smoked at just the right time during a DXM trip can produce a feeling which makes a hit of heroin seem like aspirin in comparison. I have done heroin many, many times, and believe me, this is no exaggeration. Anyone who has taken heroin knows of the peace it can bring to one's mind and overall sense of being. It is as if all of the cares of the world are whisked away into an opiated fog of jubilation. Now, imagine that this state of "peace" that heroin causes feels like it was given heroin itself, then you might get an idea of what I am talking about.)

After the one hour mark the effects that I previously described increase in intensity until they reach the peak which usually occurs around the two hour mark after dosing. How intense these effects get is dependent on factors such as dosage, tolerance, natural susceptibility, etc. The peak itself can be so varied that I will not even pretend to be able to examine every form it can take. One time you may feel like you could go to an all-night dance party, another time you can come into contact with hidden aspects of your subconscious, and yet another time you could sense that you are floating through some "alternate universe" in which you can feel every bit of movement that your body (read: awareness) makes. (This last one is very strongly akin to etheric projection. There is a greater chance of it occurring if you are laying down comfortably in a dark room with music (eg. Pink Floyd's album "The Dark Side of the Moon") playing through headphones.) Again, these are merely a small percentage of the possibilities one can expect of the peak of a dextromethorphan experience.

One of the key aspects of the drug is the fact that it dissociates the mind from the body. I recall one experience when I was listening to Pink Floyd's "Welcome to the Machine" after having taken 720mg of DXM HBr (dextromethorphan hydrobromide), and the lyrics to the song struck me in a deeply intimate way, a pseudo-mystical experience if you will. I suddenly came to the realization that our bodies are not the apex of human experience as most suppose, but that they are, rather, a singular aspect of a higher order. The physical body is merely one representation of our being, that is, our being's manifestation in the realm of matter (ie. a tool or "machine"). This is one instance of DXM's ability to alter your thought patterns.

DXM's effect on music is, for lack of a better description, incredible. I have found it proper to term this phenomenon "music euphoria" because of the sensation of joy which accompanies listening to music that you enjoy. Music becomes an almost spiritual concept when on DXM. Certain songs sound as if they were written and recorded just for you to listen to and understand while on DXM. In all honesty, these feeble descriptions do it no justice as there are simply no words to substitute experiencing it for yourself.

Dextromethorphan further exhibits in the individual a cognizance of a state-dependent memory. For example, you may forget what went on during a trip the day after it happened, but the next time you take an adequate amount of DXM the memories come flooding back in. This, I suspect, is why that very small number of people who actually become addicted to dextromethorphan are hit so hard. Even while the euphoria no longer occurs after frequent use, the memory that it has occurred in the past can become a sort of sustenance unto itself.

** 300mg-400mg is a good beginner or recreational dose. 600mg or higher should be strictly restricted to spiritual and/or introspective purposes. **

Experiment 1:
April 16, 2003 (Wednesday)

My first experience I ever had on DXM is perhaps the best. I had at this point read nothing on dextromethorphan except that it could promote out-of-body experiences and communication with "spirits". Thus, I was completely without expectation of what was to occur. Here is the full account verbatim from my Journal. Any notes that I make presently will be placed into brackets.

3:20pm Taking 720 of dextromethorphan HBr (DXM, "Tussin")

4:30pm Good buzz but makes you nauseous.
[I used the word "buzz" because my past drug experience up to that point had been alcohol, marijuana, freebase cocaine (crack), and "buzz" is the word I commonly used to describe the effects of those drugs.]

4:36pm The buzz hits you all at once and hard.
[In all likelihood I was feeling the effects of the DXM before this point, but since I had not done it previously I was unaware of the forms the intoxication takes. Thus when I said "all at once" the intoxication probably moved beyond the point where it could be missed.]

4:50pm I had to vomit. I hope that I get a decent buzz.

5:08pm The most incredible buzz. I feel I'm not me. After taking DXM wait to throw up then the awesome buzz comes.
[The phrase "I feel I'm not me" was my way of describing the dissociating effect of DXM. I was also feeling the intense euphoria the drug causes and therefore the words "incredible" and "awesome" were used.]

5:34pm I am at that place where you go when you get high. All my thoughts are mixed. My words are lyrics. The place I'm at is located in my head. I'm looking out THROUGH my eyes rather than FROM my eyes.
[Again, the mixture of dissociation and euphoria goaded me to use such descriptions. The bit about "looking out THROUGH my eyes rather than FROM my eyes" indicates the mind/body split that is definitive of dissociation.]

5:41pm I'm safe within my house. I am inside the walls I created. Everything flows from me because everything I perceive is going through me. {This is true because everything your senses observe is registered inside your brain and then projects into the world (4/17/03)} I'm feeling like I've never left my home. I am in a cocoon.
[This was the peak of my first experience with DXM. I can only try to describe how I felt in order to elucidate the situation (if that is possible). It was a feeling that the universe was perfect and that I was perfect for being in it. Try to remember the safest and securest you have ever felt in your entire life. Multiply that feeling exponentially, keeping in mind that this did not occur in ordinary consciousness, and you may get an idea. "Cocoon" is the best description I can come up with, to this date. It was a feeling that all of your life since was a nightmare (even the best times) and you have finally woken up and are in a state of utter bliss. I mentioned earlier how the right amount marijuana and DXM combined at the right time feels like the "peace" that heroin gives was itself given heroin. Now imagine that THAT state was given a few hits of MDMA and that may give you an idea. This, I am positive, was a drug-induced mystical experience because its effect on me for having experienced it resides in me to this day. To understand 100% what I am talking about here you must feel it for yourself. I have never since experienced anything close to this at the intensity that I felt it on that day.]

5:46pm I feel like I'm never gonna leave. My eyes see things beyond the veil. F's lying on the floor.
[See above. The "veil" that I mentioned was a term used to indicate the way I ordinarily perceived the world as opposed to seeing it on DXM. F was laying on the floor at the time, him being an actual person.]

5:49pm Time is taking forever. I feel no pain.
[Temporal dilation is a common occurrence on DXM, as well as the absence of pain. Hey, its a dissociative.]

5:50pm I just went outside and beheld the magnificence of the sky. Colors are phasing in and out. I've seen what the poets have seen. My life is perfect. All of my thoughts are in the form of song. That's why my writing may seem odd.
[I clearly remember that when I went outside the sky was like a pastel painting of the most hauntingly vibrant quality ("painting" being the key word). This effect can also be noticed when on phencyclidine. "My life is perfect", see 5:41pm commentary. The last two sentences are referring to the unusual manner in which my thoughts were presenting themselves to my conscious awareness. Instead of "hearing" one's thoughts as if they are being read to you, as is the case when at baseline, my thoughts at this time were "flowing", though, once again, this is an inadequate word. Instead of staccato they were fluid like a calm-moving stream, if that helps. Such descriptions can only be suggestive, by default. Only experience can describe what I mean.]

5:57pm I am definitely feeling a new experience.

5:59pm Recognition comes and goes in waves. I am writing here but my mind is there. The perfect words make me search for them.
[This is describing dissociation, though it could be used to describe other altered states. The last sentence sums up the problems I am having in communicating the full impact of this experience.]

6:03pm The feeling comes and goes. I fear I'm falling but when I stand I go back up. (ie. standing strengthens the buzz)
[DXM is a drug that lets you know when the peak is beginning to fade. Some drugs have a gentle descent to baseline after the peak. DXM however has a long comedown, but it is not gentle. Normal sensory process and thought begins to appear interspersed with the "drug thoughts." In other words, normal thought is able to occur, even while you can view the world and your mind through the drugged perspective.]

6:05pm Each person has 2 lives. The external and the internal. Every day we live the external. You can feel the Reaper staring down your back. There is an expectant fear that takes you.
[The first three sentences are philosophical statements that occurred to me at the time and are self-explanatory. The part about the "Reaper" was merely my way of describing a common effect of DXM. Often times when on a higher dosage you get the feeling that you are going to die and that fact does not bother you at the time. This is not the case obviously, but it can feel very real to you. My use of the word "fear" is misleading, and I suspect the only reason I used that word is because before this experience I DID associate death with fear, and so that word was an outgrowth of my current beliefs at that time.]

6:12pm When the internal life becomes dominant you are labeled 'crazy'.
[More philosophy.]

6:14pm I AM INSIDE MY OWN HEAD. Don't fear death. I know what it's like and there is no more doubt. My senses are confused.
[The first sentence is dissociation again. The next two sentences are further explanation of my "Reaper" remark earlier. The last sentence is a description of some of the physical effects of the DXM.]

6:18pm I see other people as trying to take my place on the road to heaven.
[Notice the lower-case "heaven," no Jesus hanging here folks. This entry denotes a paranoia that I felt at the time due to being questioned by others in the house regarding what I had taken. They were giving me a hard time about taking "cough syrup" and saying how stupid I was. I wrote this in my journal as a way of conveying that event without actually writing it up.]

6:25pm I see others as hostile invaders into my consciousness. This is how we should really see.
[See above commentary for 6:18pm.]

6:41pm When taking DXM: Make your way through the taste, the sickness, and the pain and you will reach *reality*.
[Me describing the method of dextromethorphan use.]

6:47pm Coming out of this buzz is very transitional. You can "tell."
[This is a continuation of what I was saying at 6:03. See my commentary for that time.]

7:08pm About to smoke.
[ie. marijuana]

7:15pm The transition from reality to existence is softened by the smoke. Too late to document. Definitely try again. I feel as though I'm writing to myself as if I'm another person. (ie. internal, external)
[The first sentence is NOT describing what I said in my generic account of DXM in regards to how it makes heroin feel and such. That is rare. The feeling I am describing here is pretty common. Marijuana has great synergy with DXM at any level (as it does with most drugs). It increases the dissociation and/or the euphoria considerably. The last sentence is descriptive of the dissociative state increasing again due to the marijuana. The part in parenthesis at the end goes with the short philosophies that I came up with at 6:05pm and 6:12pm.]

7:21pm The reality that DXM shows you is a very beautiful vision. The feeling of dread you have when you know you're going back is too much to bear.
[This is telling of the way the drug's effects depart. In this case it was the euphoria that was leaving and hence the "dread."]

7:24pm I became what I really am: a spirit. I saw the world through the eyes of one who is at one with himself. All things were outlined by a black pen.
[The first sentence is again describing the dissociative effect. The second sentence is describing the peak in summary. The last is simply another visual effect. This visual effect is common with a lot of psychoactive substances. The boundaries between different objects become more prevalent. It is almost like everything is made of cake icing. This effect is noticeable when "coming up" on psilocybin mushrooms as well as when on a large dosage of marijuana. (These being a few examples.)]

7:38pm Tired. While in transition I was caught between the veil. I could see all the pretty colors and yet I knew that this fantastic sight was being taken away. Such torture to see the treasure through the window but be locked on the other side.
[Tiredness often occurs when you are coming down from a high dosage DXM trip. Smaller dosages allow the DXM to wear off without causing this effect. (Your mileage may vary.) The "veil" is that which differentiates between sober vision/thinking and DXM vision/thinking. See 5:46pm entry. This entry is describing, once again, how DXM intoxication departs.]

8:15pm During the experiment I had full memory of all of my previous knowledge but was unable to incorporate it into my pen.

[This entry is telling of how it is difficult to access information from your sober mindset while tripping on dextromethorphan.]

* * * * *

Experiment 2:
April 26, 2003 (Saturday)

I mentioned earlier that DXM can facilitate communication with "spirits," or aspects of the subconscious. My first experience with such communication came in the form of a voice that "spoke" inside my head. Accompanying the voice was the impression that the "spirit" was female and that "she" possessed a beauty (or some quality) that filled me with a strange lust (not necessarily sexual). What makes this particularly strange is that I never actually caught a glimpse of this "spirit". Rather the conception was formed at the intuitive or instinctual level. I will now give the full account as it occurred at the time.

12:35pm Took 1200mg DXM HBr. Argument with L last night, she doesn't think I should do so much tussin. So I upped the dose nearly 500mg.
[This was an extremely high amount of dextromethorphan to take at one time, particularly with the low tolerance that I had. My first time ever taking DXM was only ten days previous to this. This could have been bad and at the least was very dangerous. Never let your emotions over a woman influence your experimentation. Though, I might conjecture, that me and L's little spat had something to do with the spirit that I communicate with later -- I would not discount the possibility anyway. --Update: The last I heard from L, she had married a lawyer and was living a good, Christian lifestyle, participating actively in the work of her church. For this last fact she has all of our deepest condolences, I am sure.]

12:56pm There is a pressure in the area of the upper part of the bridge of the nose. Now that I think of it, I always feel this when I take DXM. It doesn't hurt.
[This is describing the third-eye pressure that I wrote about in my generic trip outline.]

1:21pm Buzz beginning. Nausea growing. Pressure in head. Dizziness. Mind/body separating. Waiting to vomit.
[Notice the terse sentences (fragments). This is what William White, author of the DXM FAQ, calls the "Hemingway Effect". He says that "this may be related to problems with working and short-term memory." (DXM FAQ, Ch. 5) I never did vomit during this experiment.]

1:26pm Everything is outlined in black again.
[See 4-16-03 entry at 7:24pm.]

1:32pm My hat suppresses me. My shirt is my armor.
[This cryptic remark refers to the fact that the baseball cap I had on at the time was uncomfortable and my shirt felt good due to the house being slightly chilly.]

1:53pm My vision is distorted. Nausea is in the corner of my senses. I feel an audience but no one's there. My mind is overwhelmed with joy.
[The first two sentences are basic descriptions. The feeling of an "audience" was a strange one. I recall that it felt like my conscious thoughts were under the scrutiny of some external being(s). This is most likely due to the dissociation caused by DXM. The last sentence is referring to the euphoria one gets after taking DXM.]

2:07pm Vision is a test to use. I listen to (in this order): "Hey You", "Time", "Comfortably Numb" [Pink Floyd songs] many times. It is like food in this state.
[The comment regarding vision is a practical "test" by which I could discern the intensity of my intoxication. Differing levels of intoxication see alterations in the intensity of the visual effects of DXM. The last part is an attempt to describe the "music euphoria" that I mentioned in my outline of DXM's effects.]

2:12pm Life just slides through itself. The paper is thick and no thin. I'm in 2D now 3D. OBE [out-of-body experience] trying to happen. I am not scared.
["Life just slides through itself" is referring to the lack of inhibition and the subsequent "ease" of life one feels because of this. Things that would normally bother a person no longer do after taking DXM. The second and third sentences are descriptions of hallucinations that were occurring at the time. I wrote that an OBE was "trying to happen." I believe that that phrase is indicative of my moving into an even higher state of dissociation. OBEs are quite frequent during high levels of dissociation. (Marijuana mixed with the DXM increases the chances of this. When I say "OBE," I am referring more to etheric projection proper and not astral projection or "rising on the planes.") The last sentence means what it says. As a child I was always the one to investigate "ghosts" and such, the other kids being scared or having run away. That "bravery" and desire to investigate the unknown carried over into adulthood quite nicely.]

2:20pm I just saw the "white light" I saw when I was in Asana.
[I was investigating yoga around this time per Crowley's "Book 4, Part I." Some time before this DXM experiment I had been doing Asana and Pranayama, and during a certain one hour session I noticed a peculiar white light that started to the upper-left of my field of vision (eyes were closed) and moved, always "just above" my sight, to the right. I say "just above" because I could not actually see a "source" for the light, just its "rays." It occurred to me during this DXM experience exactly as it had during the yoga practice.]

2:31pm Touch becomes odd.
[Notice again the "Hemingway Effect." When on dextromethorphan your physical sense of touch becomes extremely numbed. Your body seems like rubber (and can appear worth as much at the time).]

2:35pm Tremendous pressure.
["Hemingway Effect." The pressure was a great increase in the usual "third-eye pressure" that I was accustomed to. This too, I believe, is indicative of entering a much greater dissociative state.]

3:24pm
HER: "Hi guy, I'm glad you're here."
ME: "Are you a part of my conscious mind?"
HER: (laughs) "No."
ME: "My unconscious?"
HER: "Well, actually I'm quite different."
[What seemed like 20 seconds passed.]
HER: "You see, there's no more good and evil, there is only pro-J and against J. That is how you should see."
*END*
[A pretty self-explanatory communication. The last bit of advice that "she" gives is sound enough; myself being the "J" that is mentioned.]

* * * * *

Commentary

At the time I did not think it important to write down the perceived environs during this communication. Thankfully my memory retains the scene fairly well, though probably minus some of the more "subjective" aspects. The setting appeared as if I was in a dark room, which was not unlike an unfinished house in which the exterior walls are present but the inside walls are still skeletal wooden frames. Dark, as in absent of light, is not really the best word to use here, it was more like the environment was black and light and dark were not even a consideration. (ie. There was no question of ease of seeing or not, there was what could be called "black sunlight". But even that term is more suggestive than definitive.) I was seeing this from a third-person perspective the entire time. My conscious awareness was behind and to the left of where I observed my body to be.

I was seated in front of a television set (appx. 20"-22" screen) which displayed a very poorly tuned channel that was impossible to make out. Again, I never actually saw the "spirit", but the impression I did get was positioned in front of me, slightly to the left. The communication occurred at what seemed to be two minutes after the appearance of this vision. (The time of the last journal entry I made before the contact was exactly forty-nine minutes before I was back in reality enough to record the conversation from my memory, though it seemed much shorter at the time. These types of distortions in time are common when in such a highly dissociated state. Also, the peak can sneak up on you and take you from feeling somewhat normal to being overwhelmed by the experience in mere minutes.) The communication lasted for what felt like one minute, and then the vision became all convoluted and quickly faded afterwards until I perceived only the ordinary, physical environment.

I will end my little report with a final consideration to the fact that DXM creates in the male user an inability to achieve orgasm, this being a discovery that I found out the hard way (pun intended). While this may not be favorable for a "quickie" with a girl in a bar bathroom, anyone with any amount of imagination could think of uses for this aspect of dextromethorphan. This effect, in my opinion, is most useful at the recreational dosage levels and is not recommended for higher amounts. True, I am no authority, but I hope that you will all trust me on this one.

Love is the law, love under will.

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